Wednesday, July 6, 2011


I was up at 5:30 am. There was no reason for me to be awake that early. So why was I? Apparently my bedtime snack  did not sustain me through the night. My body refused to let me fall back to sleep. Did it not have enough energy/fuel to sleep!?

With all my thoughts on the future, while being so unhappy in my current job/state in life, my appetite has declined. My lack of proper nourishment makes it even more challenging for my mind to focus on prospective jobs/career paths (I was applying to jobs by 7 am) when I can barely concentrate on what I need to do now.
It's pretty much a lose-lose situation.

Yoga does help me "center" my mind, but unfortunately one can not do yoga 24/7 (well, unless you are a yogi or something of that nature - which I am no where near becoming).

I believe my stomach hasn't been the only organ empty in my body. My heart has been too. Lately I feel that so much of my attention has been on myself and what I am going to do with my life. I have unintentionally pushed others away from me in order to "figure things out", yet at the same time I am frustrated and lonely. But no wonder no one wants to hangout or go places with me. When I do pull myself together enough to be sociable I am not very much fun. I don't necessarily talk about my problems/worries in front of others, but my mind is always elsewhere; thinking, thinking, thinking, and I'm not involved in the present.

So what's the solution to this mess I'm in? I am going to make an effort to drag myself out of the house every day this week (before/after work). Even if it means running to the grocery store. It is a chance to be surrounded by life and not be so bogged down in self-pity. Action plan:

  • Today - work (half day); dinner with family (try making slow-cooker balsamic chicken); gym? 
  • Thursday - work (all day); Hobby Lobby/Michael's? 
  • Friday - work (half day); Movie with friends?

New book to entertain/distract me:

No comments:

Post a Comment