Sun After the Storm

I'm on the "home stretch" to try and get everything done before I leave for my trip to MN tomorrow morning. I was supposed to meet up with Katie last night and exchange books (need some new reads for my trip) but the news was forecasting a pretty bad storm. Good thing we decided to stay in because we were hit with a pretty intense storm. The tornado sirens went off at one point and mom freaked out, getting everyone in the downstairs bathroom (while my "weather man" brother kept trying to sneak outside and check out the storm), but I think that the worst part of the storms missed us. Since I was at home I did manage to get quite a bit done but I'm still a tad stressed...

I am desperately needing this little break. I know it will go by fast and the days following my return will be hectic with graduation, the party, and spending time with out-of-town relatives.




I really wish I could take off work and class tonight. The driving straight to class (45 min) from work and then sitting in said class for 3 hours can be draining (only about 2 months left of it though). Ms. Deb wants me to come over after I get home to give me a hug before I leave and I need to drop off a book that I think she'd enjoy. Just don't know if I'll do that straight after class or stop home to eat first then go out again. I'm always so hungry when I finish class and she can be a talker, but it's always so tough to leave once I'm home (and still need to pack - not gonna happen this morning). I'll figure it out...

2 More Days

The rest of weekend was quite productive, but as usual, went by too fast. Here was the proposed agenda:

• Yoga/Pilates - I've been practicing more lately (trying to develop a habit) and am feeling sore - those muscles are working! - Done. Think I may have actually over did it

• Finish table runner - I'm finally on the last step

• Spend time with Grandma - her flight gets in this morning!

• Shopping for the rest of the supplies for Andrew's grad party and working on the decor with Ms. Deb
• Hair Trim

• Phantom of the Opera watching party with Chels to get ideas for the guard show we are co-writing

• Curling up with a book - rainy weekend

Magnolia from our tree

Terrarium Supplies

Asparagus Fern

Mason Jar Supplies

Final Jars - a bit blurry

Go in Peace

So the whole "sleeping in on Saturday thing" was not in the cards for me this morning. I woke up around 6 to go to the bathroom and couldn't fall back to sleep. Oh well... Since I'm up I'm trying to get little odds and ends together - yay productivity!

New Fave Drink: Java Chip Light

I had a pretty interesting night last night. For those who have been keeping up with this blog I have mentioned one of my ex's who has come back into my life. We ended up having coffee and catching up last night. I was pretty apprehensive about the whole thing to be honest. It's just that we have gone through so much over the years and I have so many "expectations" and resentments ruminating in my little head about him. I know that he still has a pretty tight hold over my emotions. I recognize that I have a lot going on in my life and that the las thing I need is for him to do or say (or not do or say) something to push me over the edge. Luckily things went better than expected. Listening to him talk about where he has been, where he is now, and where he'd like to go has made me question what I ever thought was so wonderful about him in the first place.

 As Taylor Swift sings "maybe I was naive, got lost in your eyes, never really had a chance..." A lot of the bitter feelings that I had are gone, or at least not as strong. He's not really looking for a relationship/what he wants from life right now is not what I need (we really didn't talk much about us). Normally after having these types of conversations I would leave feeling emotionally drained and upset. I mean, I didn't leave full of joy, but I didn't feel much worse than when I met him.

I'm not sure where things will go from here. We might stay in touch and meet up for coffee again soon, or the only contact I'll have with him will be when I see him at the gym. I don't know. If I've learned one thing it's that I need to stop trying to plan everything out how I think it should go - life just doesn't go that way and you only get hurt and let down.

Moral of the story: Go with the flow. Stop trying to swim against the current to get something you want or make the other side of the river out to be paradise when it could be be a war zone.

Weekend-ing:

• Yoga/Pilates - I've been practicing more lately (trying to develop a habit) and am feeling sore - those muscles are working!
• Finish table runner - I'm finally on the last step
• Spend time with Grandma - her flight gets in this morning!

Christmas 2010

• Shopping for the rest of the supplies for Andrew's grad party and working on the decor with Ms. Deb
• Hair Trim

• Phantom of the Opera watching party with Chels to get ideas for the guard show we are co-writing

• Curling up with a book - rainy weekend

Shopping Spree

I actually had a successful shopping night! Spending money is not easy for me so it was nice to treat myself. Of course right when I get home my mom reminds me that my car insurance bill is due, I just had to pay registration fees for an association I need to join, and my credit card bill is due soon. This is why I must continue to be miserable at work... Sometimes I really hate the "real world."

Free undies and the perfume I've been wanting forever (on sale!)

SO comfy!

A yummy treat

Fresh Start

I am feeling a million and five times better this morning than I have been (which is saying a lot). I know I've mentioned recently that I'm not happy at my job and have been dealing with some drama and life issues in general. I was able to work on a list (I love lists) yesterday at work in between tasks of things that are "bringing me down/bothering me." A big thing for me is that I am physically and emotionally exhausted. I'd try to express this to friends and family but they would always tell me that I was fine or that I have no reason to be unhappy (which tends to make me feel worse - naturally). Anyways, long story short, I talked to my mom last night and I cried. I mean cried! I don't remember the last time I had really let it out. I'm guessing at least 6 months which is waaaaaay too long! I've teared up a few times recently, but nothing like last night. I was reluctant to take a sleep aid before bed but it was one of those nights and boy do I feel better now! I got to sleep in a little later. While I haven't gotten anything crossed off of my epic long to do list I just needed this morning to slowly eat breakfast, sip tea, and reflect. 

Tonight I am meeting Katie for one of our wedding planning/magazine date nights! I haven't seen her in a few weeks or talked to her much since me and Greg broke up (she is a mutual friend and I feel bad she's caught in the middle). I might head to the mall a little early for some shopping. I want to get a new pair of shorts for my MN trip (I leave exactly one week from today!!!) and I have a free pair of undies from VS to pick up!

I truly believe this: 

Productive Start

It's not even 11 am and I've already got a lot checked off of my to-do list! I'm quite proud.

• Car registration - check!
• Fabric for patriotic table runner - check!

• Tracked down plates for the graduation party - check!
• Bought LAST bag of maroon M&Ms for graduation party - check!

Do I really have to go be at work in an hour?! It like seriously drags me down... I have so many other things I want to do... (some of which would be beneficial - working on projects for my own business). My friend who I'm helping teach guard in Plano said that she may need more help in the afternoons (fall) if she accepts another job. If all goes well I might be able to quit current job!!!

Week-END

So sad that this weekend is over... Yesterday was alright, nothing too exciting. Just went over some party plans and had a major "chat session" with miss Deb - I don't know what I'd do without her! I ended the day with a warm bath. It had been awhile and staying in to enjoy happy, bubbly goodness seemed to suit my mood.  Today was a gorgeous day outside and I did my best to make the most of it. I read a lot outside. Maybe dozed off while reading for a bit... Went to The Home Depot to pick up some flowers, planted said flowers out back with mom in out "girls garden," went grocery shopping with Mom and Andrew (late afternoon tired/crankiness is not  the best time to work together with people and/or shop), had dinner, read (fell asleep again), Worked out on our home elliptical for 30 min and did about 20 min of free weights to work on my arms, made some progress sewing on my summer table runner, and I think I'll finish my book and try to get a head start on some sleep.

A Reunion of Sorts

I always amaze myself at the fact that I can go to bed super late but still be wide awake at 7:30 am. Probably has to do with the fact that I was hungry... Anyways, I'm up now and decided that it is time for an update. I got home late last night from visiting some friends I worked with last summer. We went to dinner at On the Border. Usually not my first choice but my friend really seemed to want to go there. Turns out one of her friends was working (probably the reason she wanted to go there) and gave us 50% off. My salad was good and I didn't leave feeling stuffed like I normally do when I leave restaurants.

CITRUS CHIPOTLE CHICKEN SALAD

Next we ventured to this tiny town north of where we were to stop in to one of my friend's friends' party. OK, I'm not sure how their house was standing. Definitely the most ghetto house ever. Boys... They don't seem to know how to take care of things. I basically stood there and watched them smoke, drink, and attempt beer pong in a cramped tension. Oh the fun! *sarcasm*.

We went on back to one of my friends houses not too long after that and just chatted with her creepy roommate. I will never post a "roommate wanted" ad as seeing how there are some very strange people in this world and you could end up with some creepy serial killer sharing your toilet paper... (maybe I've been watching too much Criminal Minds).

Last night was the first time I had been back to visit since I graduated in December. Although I spent a majority of the last 2 1/2 years there being back felt awkward. I knew there was a reason I wanted to get out of there ASAP. I don't miss being there at all. It just is not  me. I don't know if I can really explain it...  But I'm moving on to bigger and better things, right?!

Plans/To-Do (which probably won't get done):

• Finish sewing "summer" table runner
• Go to Ms. Deb's to finalize grad party plans
• Study Adobe Acrobat and Illustrator for Monday

I feel like I'm missing something off my list... Will come to me later...

What's Entertaining Me Lately:

Criminal Minds Season 6 - I only have 1 episode left...

Relationship Done. Drama Just Beginning.

I mentioned yesterday that I am newly single. I have been planning on ending things with this boyfriend for a few weeks now, the timing just hadn't been right (didn't want to right after Easter, a date, etc.). So I get a text from my friend, Katie, who set us up and she gives me a heads up that Greg said that he is going to break up with me. So I get a call from him a few minutes later. I think he had this script written out or something because wouldn't stop talking - ha. He told me that he wants a serious relationship but I didn't seem to want the same thing and he felt like I was avoiding him (ya think?!). So later that night I was on Facebook and I clicked on his profile (he had changed his relationship status pretty fast). Turns out that he had been tagged several times this weekend with some girl. I clicked on her picture and she is NOT what I expected. Long, bleach blonde hair and fake orange tan. Complete opposite of me. My friends and I as a bit shocked considering how "obsessed" he was with me. Strange? So I blocked him because I didn't want to see him or him see me. Fair enough, right?! Maybe 15 min. later Katie texts me saying that Greg is asking her if I blocked him. Ummm... the only way he'd know that is if he was trying to view my profile. Slightly creepy. One thing that I have learned from this is that I love my friends but I question their judgement when they try to play matchmaker!!!

She gets me through SO much!

 

Now that feelings are resurfacing with an ex, my emotional state is so flaky. Damn boys! I had "cut him off" from all communication about 6 months ago but after talking to him at the gym a few weeks ago has changed that. There's just always been a spark... something there that's different from anyone else. Part of the reason that I stuck it out with Greg for as long as I did was that I can get a bit "emotionally" unattached" at times and wanted to make sure that I wasn't just going through a phase. I wasn't really feeling the chemistry between us, but after I talked to Josh (20 min max) or even get a smile from him I go all "giddy with excitement." So it is possible for me to have a heart vs. feeling like a cold, heartless bitch (with Greg). 

The thing(s) is/are that I have no idea what is going on in Josh's life other than he is working as a personal trainer, finished with finals this week, and that he isn't in a relationship (according to Facebook). We are talking about hanging out and catching up soon, but for all I know he could be interested in someone else. I want oh so badly for us to have a real chance. Part of the reason we never worked was timing, one of us was really busy or far away. So we kinda "detached" ourselves from the relationship so it would be easier to get over each other. I think that did the complete opposite and has only made it harder to get over each other. 

I guess I need to collect all my scattered thoughts and figure out what I want to tell him. I want to put all of the past resentments on the table and start fresh. I mean, this has been going on for over 4 years. It's like he keeps popping up in my life for a reason, but the pieces never "click." I just an anxious that I make myself so vulnerable to him and he leaves me hanging (like he's done in the past). But like a friend said, "I don't have him now so what's the worst that could happen?" I don't have to fall apart, I am stronger than that. I will not allow one person to make or break me.

Single

Some of my favorite shots from last night

I am newly single - doesn't feel as "good" as I was expecting. Hmmm... I think I'm still madly in love with my ex (not the most recent one, but on and off one for four year) or maybe just mad.

peace.love.em

Gettin' Crafty

I finished the purse I was making for Ms. Deborah yesterday. She loved it so much she started crying. Gotta love homemade gifts!

This weekend I'll be working on the invites for Andrew's grad party. I think I've got the idea down, just need to buy a few more supplies and start and assembly line and they'll be ready to send out! I'm getting so excited about his party! I just love planning and keep coming up with new ideas! Ms. Deborah's doing the cake. I swear, some of the cakes she's done look like they could be in one of those decorating shows on TV. We have a lot of ideas for that, but need to "finalize" a plan of action. We still have about 3 weeks left, but I know that time will fly by and I'll be visiting friends and family in MN the week before.

SO glad that I only have to work 'til 3:30 today even though I know that the time will drag... I need to swing by the library to pic up a new book and maybe Hobby Lobby to get some invite supplies (unless Ms. Deborah gets it - will have to ask first) and some more fabric. I'm really motivated to make more purses. Ms. Deborah wants me to make some for her friends but she hasn't told me what colors/patterns to use yet so I may just start making a stock pile of the to sell at some point in the future :)

May Day

I'm not feeling too type-y so here are some pictures to sum up my trip to Oklahoma this weekend!

OKC Bombing Memorial

OKC Bombing Memorial

OKC Bombing Memorial

OKC Bombing Memorial

OKC Bombing Memorial

My Favorite Butterfly, a Monarch, at the Memorial

Lunch at Toby Keith's

Have a goooooood week!

peace.love.em