J/K,. No, but Seriously...

Another week has zoomed by. I almost feel like my life is slipping away! j/k No... seriously.... kinda. I'm so glad today is a short day at work, Unfortunately we are usually a bit slower which makes time drag out so much more! I don't really have any plans for this afternoon/evening. I did buy fabric the other day to make Ms. Deborah a purse that I might work on. I wanted to start last night but I was so unmotivated. I was supposed to meet Katie at Barnes & Noble but I just wasn't feeling that great and felt it would be best to rest. I love my friends but sometimes their drama can be a bit too draining. Staying at home didn't seem to help much. I get into a "blah" mood too easily when I stay in lately. I need to find a good balance of going out (even if it's just errands) and just being at home for the evening.

So I'm still dating Greg. I've been trying to text him more but it seems like such an act. Wednesday I went to the gym because I was feeling restless and just needed to let out some tension - gotta love endorphins, seriously! I was on my way out and I ran into my ex that's a trainer there. Now he was my first "love", the one who broke my heart into a million pieces, etc. Things have been off and on the past 4 years with us being friends, more than friends, and not speaking at all. We had a bit of a thing going on this past summer. I was for sure something was going to happen between us. We've always had a strong chemistry and I've always felt differently (stronger) about him than any of the other guys I've dated. I've always wanted more from the relationship than he has and that's our main problem. Anyways, long story short, I decided that I could not go on being "just friends" with a liar (he had tricked me yet again). We hadn't had any contact what so ever since last September until a few weeks ago.

So me being in a perky mood (thanks, endorphins) we ended up chatting for a bit and it all came back. All those memories, that chemistry, old plans and dreams. I am pathetic, I'll admit it. When I left he said he hopes that he'll "have the pleasure of running into me again" (at the gym). I creeped on checked his Facebook later that night (I had blocked him because it was too hard to see him commenting on other people's profiles and see him and his new girlfriend). Turns out he's single.... Of course I read into everything and think that maybe, just maybe things will be different this time (as opposed to all of the other "this times").

No, I really don't think things will be any different. What I want is for us to finally be happy together and get back all of that lost time and let go of resentments from years ago. With other guys (Greg) I tend to feel kinda numb, just going through the motions. I feel obligated to see them and don't get that "giddy with excitement" feeling being around them or thinking about them. But with him and a 25 min conversation I feel like a little teenager again, thinking every love song is written for me and drawing little hearts everywhere. I know that we want different things so it's best to have nothing at all because I'm never satisfied with being just friends. It's hard to know where to draw the line.

I'm trying to feel that way about Greg hoping that maybe something will click and I won't have my ex on my brain so I can finally build up better relationships. My heart and my head are constantly telling me different things and it's frustrating to say the least...

Happy Hump Day (already?!)

Me and Katie Before the Game

I had such a good weekend. It was near perfect! Saturday's double date was a bit awkward, but it was still good to see Katie (thank goodness she was there!). It was so windy the whole night - well, this whole week, really. I kept seeing everyone at the game checking the weather radar on their phones because the ballpark was surrounded by ominous clouds. Tornado producing storms were supposed to hit us but luckily we just had a bit of rain off and on towards the middle of the game and were blessed with quite a lightning show!

Our View

We had a very blessed Easter Sunday. My Easter basket was full of Reese's peanut butter eggs, Cadbury Creme Eggs (an Easter MUST), a new Otter Box for my iPhone, TWLOHA bracelet, peace sign magnetic car decal, and socks with a zipper for keys & money for me to wear on my walks. Easter didn't start off all that great with my dad in one of his "moods" and even though we got to church early we had to stand because it was so full. Afterwards we picked up some Easter lilies at the grocery store and went to pick up my mom's cousin for lunch. She's in her mid 80s but does very well for her age, especially living on her own. We arrived at Olive Garden after 11 am and I was shocked by how empty it was. Waiters were everywhere - almost outnumbering the diners! Even by the time we left, almost an hour later, there were several empty tables and no one waiting. Hmmm, it just seemed strange to me. Maybe it's signs of the economy, having more people stay in and cooking for themselves.

What do you normally do for Easter? Go out? Stay in?

For the rest of the day I watched the Rangers on TV (they swept the Royals!) and was quite crafty. I've started making bracelets for friends. They think they are amazing, but they are so simple to make - they aren't that big of a deal! lol

Get Crafty!

Peace.love.em

Here Comes Peter Cotton Tail!

Hoppin' down the bunny trail. Hippity hoppity Easter's on it's waaaaaay!!!

Yesterday ended up being a ton of fun! It just needed a little push to get going! Easter egg decorating and Ranger's game with my brother, his girlfriend, and grandma! Such a fun bunch! We went to see the fireworks after the game but the fire marshals said it was too windy. We spent over an hour stuck in traffic trying to get out. Despite being disappointed, sleepy, and hungry it was a great night! Going shopping with one of my best friends this soon, then out to eat and the Ranger's game (again) with some friends *will probably be ending things with Greg tonight or soon!

Hug Trees

Well, last night felt like an epic fail. I just felt awful and didn't sleep well. Which means I was up before 7 am on my day off...boo! I guess I didn't leave the house after I got home and I had been. I just felt very restless and unproductive. The medicine is finally starting to make me feel a little bit better. I am going to try to venture out soon. Not sure what I'll do, but all I know is that I NEED to get out of the house! In honor of Earth Day Starbucks is giving away free coffee and tea when you bring in a reusable mug. So obviously I will be taking advantage of that!

It's kinda funny how things work out. I've been praying for more direction and a few job - something that I'll enjoy more. I got a call from one of my friends who I hadn't heard from in a while last night. She has been directing several colorguards over the past few years and said that she needed someone to be a director of a school for the fall season. Now, immediately I thought "ummm, no. I haven't spun in years and never felt passionate enough about guard to be a director." She told me that the guard was going to be very small, but she thought that I'd be prefect for the job. She would basically coordinate everything and write the show. All I need to do is clean the work, show up to practice from 7-8:30 am, and go to their games on Thursday nights. This would fit in perfectly with my current school/work schedule. Plus, It's around $20 and hour which is MUCH better than what I'm making now. An even bigger selling point for me is that their show is "Phantom of the Opera!!!" I was thinking recently how much I love "Phantom!" It's kinda like a sign! I'm on board for the fall, she just needs to talk to the band director. I might be able to help in the summer for camps but probably can't be there full-time since I'll still be working during the day. It seems like a really good opportunity it it all works out. I've been missing dance and have been thinking more of teaching in general. This would give me a taste of both without too much of a time comittment. I really hope it all works out!

I decided that I will be going to the Ranger's game tomorrow night with Greg, one of my best friends, and her boyfriend. I'm afraid that it will be awkward between me and Greg. We did talk on the phone the other night to clear up a few things - or tried to. He then proceeded to invite me to another game on Sunday (which I politely declined) and talked my ear off until I told him that I had to get ready for bed. It is so difficult to know if it is him or me as to why I want out of the "relationship." I've told him several times already that I can't emotionally and physically be around as much as he wants me to be. He's more dramatic than some of my girl friends, I swear! I really don't know... I felt a bit better after talking to him so I guess that I'll have to see how the game goes tomorrow. Katie being a diehard baseball fan wants to leave three hours before the game starts to make sure we beat the rush and can watch the pre-game shows. I enjoy baseball but I'll admit that I am not as "enthusiastic" about it as the people I'm going with. It could possibly be a very long, draining evening.

I guess that's one of the reasons I have been pulling away from people and events. Because they are so draining (emotionally and physically)... But having a night in did help me realize that I can't be a bum every day. I guess it largely depends on who I'm around. Some people energize me versus "zap" me.

Happy Earth Day. Go hug trees!

peace.love.em

3 Day Weekend-ing!!!

TGITH! I kept thinking that today was Friday. Well, technically it's my Friday! Our office is closed tomorrow for Good Friday. I had to go in early this morning which made for another long day at work, but at least I didn't have to rush straight off to class! I made Turkey Maid-Rites adapted from iowagirleats.com (one of my favorite blogs)! Next time I make them I think I won't use so much hamburger spices (I used that instead of the beef bullion cube). They were a big hit with the family. I was pleasantly suprised that they loved them so much! Always a good feeling :)

What isn't a good feeling is fever/chills/aches! My sinus drainage has been bringing me down. That and the combo of not sleeping as well has left me very exhausted. I will probably take a night off from working out. I've been working out a lot (and hard) lately. I don't want to get any worse that's for sure! I think that I'm gonna take it wasy by making some hot tea and watching a few episodes of Criminal Minds - Derek Morgan makes everything better! I might go out for a short walk later if I feel up to it since the weather is nice

  

I finished reading The Paris Wife yesterday. I really liked it! I just love Paris, 1920s, writing, art, travel, etc. I had never really read anything about Hemingway or from him. Now I am inspired to read some of his books. He was also married 4 times and had multiple affaris. It makes you wonder if there is such a thing as one true love...For some reason the past few books I've read seem to be ending too soon. Like they were "rushed" to a close and I felt like there wasn't as much closure as I would have wanted. Maybe it's just me and how I'm reading them. I don't like things left "undone/finished." There's a good posibility that I just read them too fast just to finish!

Here's my next book. I guess I'm in a bit of a history/nostalga mood:

Any fun plans for Easter?

Up Again

I was really hoping that I would be able to sleep in this morning considering that I had over a 13 hour day yesterday. I had to go into work early since one of the girls had to go to a funeral in the morning. Then I went straight to class, but at least I enjoy the class so it goes by fast.

I was thankfully able to relax a bit this weekend. Layed out and read in the sunshine (working on my "summer glow"), dyed my hair to get the "red" out, shopped and found the perfect Easter dress with my best friend and momma. I actually took a two hour nap on Sunday which hasn't happened since lord knows when!

One of the dresses I bought - very nautical!

This might be one of my new favorite books! - I've always been in love with Paris, writing, and the 1920s!

I didn't hangout with Greg all weekend and was once again relieved! We are supposed to go to the Ranger's game on Saturday with some friends but I'm not sure if that wills till happen. If he hasn't gotten the picture by now then well, Idk what. I just don't have those "feelings" for him.

Instead of my "running plan" I have been going to the local gym. Just biking and elliptical for now. I think it's a bit easier on my body for now. And I've still been going on walk but maybe 10-15 min shorter ones. I've been trying to stretch out/yoga my body more because I really can feel the difference. A downside to the gym is that my ex - the one I fell madly in love with almost 5 years ago and we still had a little fling going on last summer - is now a trainer there. He approached me the other day... He seems to be doing well, looking wonderful as ever, and he's always been polite. I basically cut off all contact last fall (long story) and haven't seen/spoke with him since. I'm pretty sure he's still with his girlfriend and what difference would that really make?! Everytime I've thought he's given a damn about me he's proved me wrong and I'm the one left feeling a fool. I know that if we try to be "friends" (again) I'll fall for his charming ways like I always do and fill my head with foolish expectations. The. End.

On a happier note, I planted my favorite flowers - SUNFLOWERS! - last week and they are doing really well. I love how Spring reminds us that growth and new life is possible. :)

peace.love.em

Pretty Please

Let work be short and sweet today. Work hasn't been going very well. Yesterday was a bit better. I'm afraid to ask the office manager for time off next month so I can go to MN, she's quite intimidating. I woke up thinking that I found enough courage to ask her today and what do ya know, she's off today. Figures.

I haven't been sleeping well. Last night we had a major storm. 60+ mi/hr winds. I'm suprised our house didn't blow over. I was certain that it was going to. I haven't been out and about yet, but I'm sure there will be some damage from the storm.

I haven't felt like going out much lately. I just want to be alone. I've been so anxious that I just want to stay in and relax at home. But I never seem to get what I want to done. Mom says that I have the whole morning before work to relax and get things done, but I always get distracted and feel to rushed. It makes my chest hurt. I guess part of it has to do with how work has been stressing me out. It's only temporary and was fine for awhile. Lately I just seem to be doing "everything wrong." I've been trying to scope out other jobs around here. I emailed a few photographers I know about maybe tagging along to a dew of their shoots sometime. I think it would be reall fun to work at a summer camp and help with arts & crafts! I'd probably be done by the time my design classes would start at night... I guess that gives me another distraction to check out this morning...

Another part of my anxiety is coming from the guy I'm dating. I keep canceling and he keeps wanting to hang out. I thought I made it clear(er) that I wanted a bit more space when we talked last week. He just likes me SO much and knows hardly anything about me. We have a few things in common, but overall our lifestyles are different. He fixes cars, loves, baseball, and fishing. I do too, to a point. I guess he's a lot more "country" than I am. I don't know. I just don't feel that "attraction/spark" with him and I've tried waiting it out for over a month. We are supposed to go to the Ranger's game next Saturday - that's if he still wants to go with me then, HA!

This is a really good book! I wasn't really into it at first, but now I can't put it down. Only a few chapters left!!!




peace.love.em

Too Short of a Weekend

So it's Tuesday, even though I kept thinking that yesterday was Tuesday for some reason. Nope. It was Monday. Slow day at work. I'm really getting sick of my job. I know I really have no room to complain since things could be much worse and I'm fortunate enough to have a job, but really. It's just very emotionally draining for me and part of the reason that I graduated a semester early was to "rest and take better care of myself."

 My parents said that I can quit my current job but I need to find another one. "Working is good for me." While I do agree with that statement to a point, at what cost to my own mental health and sanity?! I like to feel productive and I could def use the money that comes with a job. I guess we can't have it all. Right now I'd really like to find a nanny/babystting job or work in an art museum/gallery. My searches have not been going as well as I'd like. Most places require several years of ecperience (which I don't have) or aren't hiring...Boo!



Baby Cohen!

Anyways, like the title of this post suggests, this weekend was too short. I went to the Galleria with some friends on a quest to find a Spring/Easter dress but had no such luck. Just ran some errands and tried to relax at home. I finished "A Secret Kept" (not as good as "Sarah's Key") while laying in the sun - got a bit of  early summer sun. I swear the time like vanished. I don't feel too rested at all. I think the weekend should be three days - minimum!

Friend and her chocolate covered "marshmeller"!

peace.love.em

Another Friday





Kitty "Romo"

This week has been going OK. Nothing super exciting orextraordinary to report. My first attempt at Mexican Lasagna went over well as did my bean chili from last night. It's nice to have some meatless options for the family during lent. Speaking of Lent, this seems like it's the longest Lent ever because I gave up one of my biggest vices (Diet Sodas). I could REALLY go for a diet Dr Pepper right about now!!!

Wednesday Night is usually me and one of my best friend Katie's date night! Lately we have been meeting at Barnes & Noble and read wedding and gossip magazines. She probably won't be getting married for at least another year, and I'm YEARS away from walking down the aisle, but we have already started to plan her wedding! I have always loved party planning and design holds a special place in my heart. So I enjoy it and it gives me something fun to do! Can't hurt! :)

Perfect Evening!



Went dancing last night with my boyfriend. It had been about a week since we had gone at all and about 2-3 weeks since we went to this particular venue. I honestly didn't really want to go. I get "relationship claustraphobia" and it's at the stage where he likes me a lot more than I like him (and I just want to push away). But I'm glad I went and we got to talk a bit about everything on the way home.

I want to have a low-key night tonight. That's how my Fridays usually are. I get off work early, read/layout (weather permitting) in the back yard - my "veg" time. Then watch a movie with the parents. Since the NASCAR race is in town this weekend and my brother is a huge fan some of his friends are going to be over to watch one of the races this evening. So my "plan" will probably turn into watching Criminal Minds in my room, but I'm pretty sure I can handle that... ;)

Running Update: Went on a walk Wednesday night but I was too physically tired to break into a jog. I will see how I feel after work today, but I definitely want to try for at least 5 min.

 Weekend Entertainment:

         

Ugh, start of another week. Here we go! Last night I went to the Ranger's game with my brother and a few of his friends. I actually knew quite a few people (one of my best friends and my boyfriend) who were also going so I met up with them there later. We WON! Undeffeated so far! It was a really good game, but as usual with most sports, I got distracted...

I have been VERY restless lately which makes going to work tough(er). Today is so pretty and sunny! Such a tease when I've got to be indoors all afternoon. I want his weekend was nice, but I was a bit too busy to fully veg out... Do you ever have those weekends when they wear you out more than relax you?! I feel like mine have been like that lately.

"Running update": Sunday I went on a walk, but only really jogged about 6 min. I hadn't had very much to eat and was pretty tired from being more active than usual so it was tough to keep myself going. Tonight might be too busy if I decide to go to progressive two-step lessons with Greg. But I want to try for Wednesday for sure so I don't fall too far off the wagon (since I'm not even fully on the wagon yet).

Before I go to work I'm going to throw together a bew slow-cooker recipe (from Family Circle). It's for a meat-free  Mexican lasagna. It sounds simple but yummy. I love coming home to prepared food since I'm usually ready to eat my arm off once I come home and have low patience for cooking (or people who get in my way).

TGIF

Today doesn't feel like Friday, but I'm not complaining at all! This week felt very draining and I'm hoping to get to relax a bit this weekend. I've got a wedding to go to tomorrow and then seeing a play and dinner with a friend on Sunday. I've always wanted to be a "runner" but I have never really kept my motivation up. I ran a 5K about 2.5 years ago, but afterwards I fizzled out. I am starting again (again, again, again...). Trying th "Couch to 5 K" plan. So Tuesday and tonight I mustered enough energy to try again. Tuesday I alternated jogging and walking (2 min/3 min) with the jogging coming in around 10.5 min. Today I did the same pattern for jogging around 11 min. Hey, it's progress. I also did free weight exercises for about 20 min after. I'm feeling pretty good. Strength is my goal.

Today: work went well/fast, ran errands, layed outside for a bit, walk/jog in lovely weather, Rangers won their opening day game, and now watching "The Tourist" with the 'rents :)

Happy Weekending!

My entertainment for the weekend: