Off with a bang.

Even though I was a bit nauseous after work (I still think it's my job that makes me sick) I went to the Ranger's game with my brother and his friend, Scott. I texted one of my good friends, Katie, to see if she was going to be at the game by any chance and she was! I went down to her section to chat for a little bit. The Rangers were played awesome - grand slam in the first inning! - but you could tell the fans and players were heavyhearted from the accident the night before. They did decided to keep up the tradition of having fireworks after the game (Friday nights). I didn't really enjoy the ones I saw on the 3rd so this was a treat!

My sleep pattern has continued to be completely random. I'll wake up early, eat, read, sleep. Then the pattern will repeat for several more hours. The first cycle started around 7:30 am and repeated at 11. Ugh! SO annoying. I was going to go the gym but that hasn't happened yet. 

Apparently I am the "store girl" because everyone in my family has asked me if I am going or will go to the store for them... I'm not sure how this happened. I don't mind. I just have to get my day "back on track" since I woke up (again) at noon...

 

I do know that yoga will be part of my weekend. I stumbled across the yoga journal website (I have a feeling I'll be visiting this site a lot! )and here's their daily tip: "To avoid compression and injury, it's important that you create length in the spine before and during a twist. Focus on three key actions: elongating the spine, twisting from the inside out, and breathing."

Anti-Pity Party

I love parties. Just not pity parties. Instead of feeling down and frustrated I am taking the initiatives to turn things around by putting my "anti-pity party" plan into action. 

• Yesterday - I tended to "overcompensate" for waking up famished by having a lot to eat at lunch, even when my stomach was screaming "hey stop, I'm stuffed!" It made me feel uncomfortable all afternoon as the pain was a constant reminder of the "mistake" I made of not respecting my body. I had a quick dinner after work (ended up making planned recipe from last night tonight since my mom and brother ended up going out) and settled down with a book, then an episode of Gilmore Girls while I crocheted. My mind and body were too restless for me to really relax. I decided to go to the gym because I didn't want to lay around all night. I think I had one of the longest 30 minute elliptical sessions on record... I even took it really easy on myself because I was pretty tired. But at last, the endorphins finally came after I stepped out of the shower and my spirits were lifted
• Today - I woke up a bit early but not starving! Said my prayers, ate breakfast, drank tea, and yoga-ed before work - started to feel like my old, pleasant self again!
• Friday - Possibly going to the Ranger's game with my brother. They have a firework show after the game! I've been in the mood to go but I'm not looking forward to the TX heat...

So overall, today has been better. Just one more short work day lies between me and the weekend!

Slow-Cooker Balsamic Chicken. Based off this recipe. I added fresh spinach when I got home from work and let it cook while I boiled the rice.

I have a yoga mat strap on my birthday wish list but this craft of the day came in my inbox this morning! Hmm... I might just try this out first (if it's cheaper it's like a win-win - I love win-wins).

Hunger

I was up at 5:30 am. There was no reason for me to be awake that early. So why was I? Apparently my bedtime snack  did not sustain me through the night. My body refused to let me fall back to sleep. Did it not have enough energy/fuel to sleep!?

With all my thoughts on the future, while being so unhappy in my current job/state in life, my appetite has declined. My lack of proper nourishment makes it even more challenging for my mind to focus on prospective jobs/career paths (I was applying to jobs by 7 am) when I can barely concentrate on what I need to do now.
It's pretty much a lose-lose situation.

Yoga does help me "center" my mind, but unfortunately one can not do yoga 24/7 (well, unless you are a yogi or something of that nature - which I am no where near becoming).

I believe my stomach hasn't been the only organ empty in my body. My heart has been too. Lately I feel that so much of my attention has been on myself and what I am going to do with my life. I have unintentionally pushed others away from me in order to "figure things out", yet at the same time I am frustrated and lonely. But no wonder no one wants to hangout or go places with me. When I do pull myself together enough to be sociable I am not very much fun. I don't necessarily talk about my problems/worries in front of others, but my mind is always elsewhere; thinking, thinking, thinking, and I'm not involved in the present.

So what's the solution to this mess I'm in? I am going to make an effort to drag myself out of the house every day this week (before/after work). Even if it means running to the grocery store. It is a chance to be surrounded by life and not be so bogged down in self-pity. Action plan:

• Today - work (half day); dinner with family (try making slow-cooker balsamic chicken); gym? 
• Thursday - work (all day); Hobby Lobby/Michael's? 
• Friday - work (half day); Movie with friends?

New book to entertain/distract me:

Sun-Day

This weekend has been good so far - and it's not over yet (gotta love 3 day weekends)!

Saturday I went shopping and got to catch up with my best friends (twins). I've seen them one-on-one but the three of us haven't all been together in awhile. I felt like super nauseous on the way home... I'm not sure if I had a touch of something or if it was from switching medication. Whatever it was was awful! I had a snack and sipped some peppermint tea which helped me get to feeling more like my regular self. After veggin' out for a bit I popped in a DVD I'd checked out from the library. I wasn't really feelin' the gym and it was too hot to take a walk outside. Yoga is always a good option for me and this workout was pretty intense for me - I was feeling the burn by the end!

I've been "discerning" what I am going to "do with my life" a lot lately. Prayer and daily guided reflections have helped but the "path" still seems quite foggy... I do think that I want to do some type of advocacy - human rights and/or environmental stability. A large part of my computer time this weekend has been focused on looking up organizations websites and seeing what opportunities are available. The whole process is overwhelming to say the least. I always feel like I am missing some piece of information.

I guess right now I can keep doing research, check out local opportunities, and keep praying that my "path" clears and I will have no doubt what I was called to do. I'm not expecting this to happen overnight. I realize that this is a process. I just want a "sign" or something... I don't know. Maybe I'm demanding too much from myself - to have it all "figured" out. I would like to do some kind of service/mission work. I have some family friends who are in South Africa right now with a group from their church. I know they'd be good resources to talk to once they come back.

Tonight:  Boom, Boom, Boom... Seeing fireworks!


Seeing my Sunflower bloom has been the highlight of my weekend:

 

Let the sunshine!

Finally Friday

Whoa, it feels so good to finally sit down. Today has been hectic to say the least! I did squeeze an hour of yoga & Pilates in before work so that was a refreshing start to the day. Work dragged on and on and we even got to leave early (yay Fridays!). I went straight to a doctor's appointment which I had to wait for a bit in the room, but once I got in it wasn't too bad. What was bad was the traffic coming home. I knew from the radio that there was a bad accident that was backing up traffic so I decided to take an alternate route. That route didn't seem to help much. What normally takes me 20 minutes took me 90 minutes! I was not a happy camper. But oh I am home now and so thankful to be safe!

I was going to blog last night (and go running) but I was so exhausted.  My mom wanted company running errands after dinner so I went to Half-Price Books and Barnes & Noble with her. I could barely keep my eyes open on the 10 minutes ride home. Bed at 10:15? Yes, please!

Here was dinner last night. My favorite slow-cooker bean chili!

(1 cup frozen corn is not pictured)

Before I "mixed it up!"

Here are some shots of the tomatoes and bell peppers that are growing out back!

  

Going to watch "Cars" tonight (I've somehow never seen it).

 

Whoever trusts in his own mind is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom will be delivered. 

 – Proverbs 28:26

Thrown off - round two

Another day off to a less than perfect start! Boo! I love my brother, I really do, but his chaos is just a bit too much for me right now. Other than leaving his things scattered everywhere he has been up early to get things done for Kylie (she's over here now). Mornings are me time. The only time of the day when I feel sane and can accomplish things. I haven't done yoga in days and it's killing  me.


I haven't taken my pictures for my Photoshop class tonight mainly because I'm not sure what I want to take pictures of. It's for a "multiplicity" assignment. Your wouldn't think it would be that hard, which it's not. It's just putting forth the effort. I just need to do it now and then I'll feel better and not have it hanging over my head.


Luckily I was able to hit the gym last night, which usually helps me calm my mind - or at least distract me. I was surprised by how far/much I was able to jog considering Saturday I was just alternating walk/jogging every 1:30. I guess I had a lot of steam to blow off... Still felt really anxious after though...

Walk	5
Jog	7:30
Walk	2:30
Jog	2:30
Walk	2:30
Jog	2:30
Walk	2:30
Jog	2:30
Walk	2:30
Walk	5
	35 min total
20 min walk	15 min jog
	2.71 miles

I had a "screening" interview for a job at a gym cafe. It sounded pretty wonderful, a lot better than my current job. Then I thought about it. Mainly the distance. It is at least 17 miles from home. I'd be driving a lot more which means more time and gas $$$ for about the same pay that I am currently making. Boo! So I decided to pass on the opportunity. There are several other jobs that I've applied to that are more geared towards my interests and closer to home that I'm holding out for. Their application deadlines were yesterday or are coming up soon so cross your fingers that I get good news soon!

Here's what I'm I'm working on in my "free" time:

My Supplemental Reading


Surely goodness and lovingkindness will follow me all the days of my life, And I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

- Psalm 23:6

Thrown off.

Ahhh! It's time for me to get ready for work and I'm so not close to ready!

I was trying to get to bed early last night but I decided to take my Photoshop exam after I got back from Advanced Photoshop last night (yay, I passed!). Then I wasn't super tired so I read for a little bit - I'm getting to that part of the book where it's hard to put down (see what book I'm reading on the previous post!)

So I slept in this morning which is super unusual for me. I guess my body needed the rest but now my "routine" is thrown off. No time for yoga this morning aka tragedy! My goal is to go to the gym and try round #2 of "running". I want to feel ambitious... I don't have any major plans for the evening besides taking a few pictures for my Photoshop assignment we are working on tomorrow and helping my brother get little gifts together for his girlfriend's birthday tomorrow. What would he do without me?!

Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act. Don’t worry about evil people who prosper or fret about their wicked schemes. Stop being angry! Turn from your rage! Do not lose your temper— it only leads to harm. For the wicked will be destroyed, but those who trust in the Lord will possess the land. 

– Psalm 37: 7-9